if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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