Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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