I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
