weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
