1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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