Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
