The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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