smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
