guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this just has baby written all over it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
