i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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