I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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