well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
this is an emotional support booty call
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
