at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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