Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You are the jesus of drinking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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