i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
