my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
