you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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