Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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