I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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