At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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