Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
