My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
