I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
