Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
