My first STD was from a foam party
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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