I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
