3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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