U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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