I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
