just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
