My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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