Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
did you just send me my own nude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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