tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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