What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
