I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
