i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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