I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
