Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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