One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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