dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
