what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
