Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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