Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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