she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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