I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I deserve this hangover.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize