I think my vagina is haunted
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
