How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
