I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
