So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
