Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
