I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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