Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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