I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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