My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness