if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child