i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.