forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She even gives head with a lisp.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
