If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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