At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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