He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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