Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
