apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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