I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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