We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
