Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
