I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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