I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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